A few years ago, a survey was taken of the best lies, excuses, omissions and misconceptions regarding positive drug test results personally heard by Human Resource personnel. The Top Ten Excuses list that resulted is still valid today.
1. An employee tested positive for cocaine. "That's not possible...I've never used cocaine. But, wait...now that I think about it...my wife always keeps a line of cocaine on her bedside table. I have a terrible snoring problem and I might have rolled over to her side of the bed during the night..."
2. An employee tested positive and claimed he was having sympathy pains for his pregnant wife and it must have carried over to his drug test.
3. An employee tested positive for methamphetamine. He said the reason was that he was part of an undercover operation with the DEA and had to use meth in order to protect his cover.
4. An employee tested positive for cocaine. He said his dentist gave him cocaine before he did a root canal. When the MRO called the dentist, the dentist said he doesn't distribute illegal drugs and hadn't seen that patient for 2-3 years...
5. A painter who tested positive for marijuana said, "I have a second job taking care of a man who is a quadriplegic. He smokes marijuana all day so I have to roll his joints and hold them for him while he smokes them."
6. An employee in his 50s tested positive for marijuana. Initially, he said it must have been from secondhand smoke at a bus stop, then admitted it might have been from the cigar "blunt" he smoked.
7. "My friend gave me some 'cannibus butter' to try and I put it on a muffin."
8. An employee attempted to substitute his specimen with someone else's. However, he left his heating pad at the collection facility. The collector called him back and said, "By the way, you forgot this."
9. "I had to drink a bunch of cold water and that's why the temperature wasn't right."
10. "I'm on a prescription that may test positive for meth. Could you please re-check me in a couple of days?"
More information about the Employee Assistance Program coming soon.
For more information on WDF Gresham, please contact Cathy Sherick at c_sherick@yahoo.com